Whirlwind of thoughts of Yesterdays

It's been a long long time since I last posted anything to this blog. Some other time I may get to share all the details about everything that had happened. For now just let me share a portion of it.

It's been like a whirlwind for me. Everything really changed. 2009 I would say is a far cry from 2008. It's like one minute I'm happily shouting seniors and another minute being a freshman in UST. Can't believe how things just get out of hand. My last post is actually before my graduation and now I'm already at the middle of the second semester of my first year of college.

How I wished I could have prolong my high school life. I miss them so much. everything is so different now. The people the professors, the school, the environment, the attitude, the culture and many more. I'm not so accustomed to all of it. Now I'm here just like everyone else.

I'm shocked to know that I've left writing for this blog for far too long. I wonder what happened in the passed months that made me different. I'm here again (wish i'm here to stay) starting a new journey which actually started few months from now. But I would say I definitely need this blog to steam out my pent up frustrations.

I may not make sense right now but in a few more blogs I could give (I hope!) a clear future of the passed months. For now I'll sleep first and start a new day.

Unlikely is Bound to Happen

Before I believe that I'm kind of person who always do things routinely. I can foresee my reactions towards certain events. I'm not so accustomed in experiencing highly unlikely events. I think those events are unthinkable for me. But I proved that my reaction is as crazy as my mood swings.

I saw him again last month. I barely remember when but I'm sure it's almost end of February. I don't really want to blog about this because I don't feel the need or any sparks.The event of seeing him again did not really bothered me. What bothered me is my reactions toward that certain event.

The feeling is unusual fro me. It is not what I usually feel whenever I would have the great chance of seeing him. I felt nothing. I just look and I almost turn away. After seeing him that when I realize that what I did is completely extraordinary. It took me minutes to process in my head that I don't mind seeing him.

I thought of him time to time. There are so many things that made me remember him. Sometimes when I think of him it's like thinking of a stranger who passed by without me minding him.

It's funny and confusing. My feelings are all jumbled up. The thought of seeing him before excites me and makes me all giddy inside. I felt every emotions there is in this planet. I'm so accustomed of bothering and feeling something about it. And now that I don't bothered at all I don't think I'm still me.

I know that this is the moment I've waited for. I also know that this is the start of new beginning. This is the moment that I could finally erase every trace of feelings I have for him and dumped it all in the unknown. But I don't know if where my feelings are going is where I want it to be.

Funny thought

I find it funny whenever a friend of mine will talk about love. It's like they are trying to make it sound as if our lives depended in it.

I don't hate them or despise their so-called "love life". But sometimes it is so over-board that I think what they are telling me are nothing but nonsense. They keep on ranting about their petty love but they do nothing to it. There is nothing wrong with loving and being loved but life is still short. We are just starting our life at this point. There is so many things to learn and to experience. If all they do is rant about their loves what would happen to our future.

Crushes, infatuations, puppy loves, first love, whatever they want to call it, is just a part of our life. It is significant but not SO significant for us to dwell on it ever single damn day of our life. They are meant to inspire us not to dampen our spirits. I pity those people who cannot separate love problems from serious matters.Come on. You don't want to say to your parents that the reason you are flunking your exams is because of a relationship which did not work.

I have couple of crushes myself. I just don't claim them (as what others do) as love. I don't think I found him yet. maybe years from now I will look back and say I did or maybe affirm myself for saying that I don't.

I believe that everything has the right moment. And I , too, believe that love is still not meant for me at this point. I have so many dreams and envisions to fulfill. So I think we all have to wait for the right moment to take a great step and let ourselves succumb by the power of love.

I'm still Alive

It has been forever since I last write in this blog!

What can I say? So many things happened from the last Academy days to the much-awaited collage entrance results. It seems like everything is going in its full speed.

I'm going to share events that I still remember for the past months.

Academy Days
It's fun and very tiring at the same time. I enjoyed our dedication booth a lot. During the field demo I dropped the ball (as in tumalbog pa). Thank goodness it did not bounced so far! I saved my self from the embarrassment. Aside from that it is all about bonding and enjoying our last Academy days. Wee took a lot of stolen pictures. As in stolen 'coz we are not allowed to bring camera. Needless to know, we all brought our gadgets. How can they blame us?! We are accustomed in bringing gadgets during Academy days and it is our last. Btw I was actually caught by a first year teacher (he pointed at me). Aside from that no harm done.

Christmas
It is the only time got to bind with my relatives. I did not receive so many gifts because of global crisis (my relatives say so). But I'm still happy because I got to have a chance to be with them before I started my college years. Christmas is the only time I felt I'm a kid and will always be a kid at heart. How I wish it will stay the same every year to come.

New year
2008 had been a rough year for me especially my family. I experienced things I didn't thought I would ever experience. So for the first time I'm glad that the year had already ended. Everything now is new. I waved good bye 2008 together with all the pains and hurts I had. Now I'm just looking forward to a brand new year. I'm going to graduate in high school and go to college this year. I guess this year would be different from last year. I hope it would be better if not best. But I'm still glad I experienced 2008. It thought me to be stronger and to still stand up and continue to live for the better tomorrow ahead.

Entrance Exam results
These broke my heart into fine pieces. I did not passed U.P. and Ateneo. I prepared myself to U.P.'s results but I'm not prepared to Ateneo. Ateneo is my dream school. Even if I would not study there, I still wanted to at least passed the ACET. But now after more than a month I have accepted that ACET is not for me. Almost all my choices were honors course because I want to take up pre-med courses (kailangan upper 15 % of ACET passers). I realized that what I wanted to achieve I a far away dream for me. I passed UST naman. Although it is not (as what other people like would point out) as great as Ateneo or UP, it is proven that medicine is one of the strengths of UST. My parents already approve my college of choice (as if my choice pa ako!). Now I guess after four months I'll be a full-pledge and proud THOMASIAN!

Btw my course is pharmacy. It's my first choice and my second choice is Medtech (I'm wait-listed).

Message for someone
I am truly happy for you. May you find your true happiness with that someone. As I see your smile, I realized that now you find something you would cherish for a long time. I hope it would not end. You said it is forever. I hope it would be. I believe that your forever has the chance to endure time. Just please be that way. Don't frown anymore. You found the person you searched for. i hope for the best for you. Continue to smile and I'll smile with you...

Acad here WE Come!

Since it's already Academy days, we have so many free periods dedicated in practicing our field demo (as if!). Well free periods means a lot of time hanging out and bonding time with my classmates without thinking of our assignments, project...(and the list could go on).

Just this morning our section together with ubaya made a fiasco in front of the whole school. We're late for the practice. As usual the almighty and glory mahal are already in the grounds. Unfortunately ubaya did not have the chance to catch up with us because the music is already playing at that time. We are not yet ready when they played the music. We look danced worst than the prep. I'm so embarrassed because Ms. S told the fourth year teachers that our performance did not in every way could match the performance of the day 1 participants. I'm so pissed because the one to be blame are the mahal. They did not inform us earlier that we will already perform. Nonetheless, we are still the wrong ones in the eyes of the teachers. What can we do? We didn't know what time we will practice.

So much of th I-hate-the-all-glory-mahal mode. Look at the bright side. We bonded so well and we don't have classes most of the day (except Eco). Another thing pa pala is when Lea S and Chesca accidentally threw a ball to Ms. F. Lea S. did not intentionally throw the ball (MY ball for your information) in Ms. F's way but she intentionally threw to Chesca. To our shock it bounced in Chesca's head and bump in Ms. F's head. She did not even look at us. I think she is controlling her anger to us. I'm sorry Ms. F. It's not our intention to ruin your day with a ball.

But apart from the above catastrophes of the day it's all fine. Though I'm sad because our LAST Academy days are drawing near. I don't want all of these to end. I'm not yet satisfied. There is a deep yearning in the pit of my stomach that I want ot fulfill. I can't stand the mere thought next year we are not part of this anymore. That we are nothing but one of the so-called 'outsiders'.

It's hard to do something when you knew in your heart that all of these are lasts of our high school life. I want to stop the moment and just cherish each moments without thinking we will end up saying goodbye to all of these...

I'm so sentimental now. But even if I just have been here for only four years, nothing can match with the memories Holy Spirit imparted with me. No matter what anyone would say Holy Spirit is still the best school I've known.

Ps. In two more days our Academy days will start. I'm so excited. Wish I could bond well with everyone. Our booth is dedication by the way. Hope we will earn more money this year.

Go BIGAY!!!