A Dream Miles Away

October 26, 2008 at exactly 2:48 p.m. in the afternoon...

I'm not in the mood for anything at that time. All I wanted is just to go home, review for some of my subjects for the test tomorrow and sleep. But as I turned around, I saw in the corner of my right eye, a familiar face passing by my side. I hold my breath for a second or (maybe...) two. There he is, walking ahead of me, looking straight forward and not even minding me. I'm there looking at his back, wishing the world will stop and preserve that very moment. I wanted to call out his name maybe even say hi or hello. But a STRONG FORCE STOP ME from whatever I'm planning to do. It brings back the memories of the past which halted my body and spirit from committing the mistake I'm about to do. Then after a couple of seconds, the event started to sink in... He maybe physically close but would still forever be a far away DREAM.

I saw him up close for the first time since (I don't know) a century ago. Never would I imagine I'll see him there at that very moment. Honestly I'm not prepared. All I did at that time is just look at him and try to make sure he is the one who just passed by. It's as if my world stop to turn and all I could think is he is there. My mom tried to tell me there is a tricycle passing by but all I did was just look at his retreating back.

Even after we rode the tricycle I still glance at him. I crane my head to have a better look at him. He was wearing a pink tee and faded jeans. He looks so thin as if he is not eating enough. It's been a long time since I saw him close by. I'm caught off-guard. I'm really expecting to see him once in a while. I know he does live around the area. But to see him just like that is another thing for me.

I tried to be ready but when I saw him yesterday all my plans were put to waste. I don't know if he saw me because I have my back on him. Though he saw me I doubt if he would remember me. But if he recognizes me surely he would not even bother to say hi to me. Because for him we are nothing more than the word STRANGERS and I have to live with that.

Up until now I still can't get over that fact. In my heart I wanted him to even look me in the eyes and not just passed by me. It hurts to look at his back and not be able to do anything.

He is my crush for almost a millennium now. I know he already have so many girlfriends. I also knew he broke his heart for a couple of times. I'm like HIS stalker. But I can't help it. I regretted so many things I've done in the past which hinder us from being friends. Well it is already a history now. All I could do is hope for the future.

We are strangers I guess I'm okay with that now. I chased him for seems like a million years already. I always look at his back retreating away from me every time. So I learned to give up and let go. I learned to put aside my fantasy from the reality.

He is a MILLION MILES AWAY from ME, A forever DREAM that can NEVER be REAL. He is always CLOSE YET in a FAR away land.

But from time to time I still have high hopes in the bottom of my heart that maybe just maybe I can somehow LESSEN the DISTANCE between the two of US and eventually BE FRIENDS.

"SHE" is my walking NIGHTMARE

I just can't help it! A lot of things are going on my mind. Maybe it is partly because October 25 is drawing near (meaning periodical test nahhh!!). But maybe because I've just came across a blog of an old friend. For someone whom you lost contact to it is a blessing. Her blog is somehow interesting until I've came across with something I didn't like.

It's not like she wrote point-blank it is I whom she is talking about but most of the things she wrote is pointing directly unto me. I don't want to be a brat or maldita but I'm really PISSED OFF! I'm just minding my own business away from all of them but they still could find a way to ruin it all. It is not like we were enemy in fact we WERE friends. I couldn't find an answer to why she and her (no comment) cousin is doing all this things to me.

I just need PEACE at this point in time. I don't really need problems because I've got tons of them. What I need now is a FRIEND not ENEMIES. Hope they would only mind their own business.

Because if they will even try to get IN my LIFE and turn it to the WORST,
I would NOT HESITATE to get even with them.

'Retro Way'

I forgot to share about something. Last October 11 we had an informal class pictorial. We had to wear clothes according to the theme of the class. Our class had the "retro" theme. We had so much fun dressing up. There's just one hook, the (ALMIGHTY AND HIGH) STAR SECTION wanted to have a "vintage theme" which is almost alike with ours. So we had a misunderstanding with them but in the end we proved we are the brightest of them all. It is so much fun. Though I didn't brought my camera (we are not allowed to but others insisted) I still have the best pictorial I ever had in my entire life. Actually my classmate Lea (we have the same name) brought a vauxwagon. It's so hilarious because it won't start so the boys in our class had to push it.

Now I'm going to share some of the photographs of our class we took that day.

Okay! That's all folks (Sorry Ms. F I can't help it). These so far are the only ones I can upload (Actually it's a hassle to upload all of it). Hope you enjoy this as much as WE do!

Problems Like No Other

It has been almost a month since I've posted here. I guess my life at this point in time is in the period of what many of us will call 'under reconstruction'. No one can really blame me for it. After all the grand revelations revealed to me for the past weeks, no wonder I'm really not in the mood for anything.

I've tried so many times to write some of my thoughts but I always come up with nothing. So I've decided not to post any of it. It seems so 'emo' and nonsense for me (no offense there). It's not that I hate being an 'emo' nor do I hate those who do. Though I find it not necessary to kind of 'shout to the world' my problems. But I what I do like on being an emo is that you can put into writings your feelings and thoughts. Enough of this. I'm starting to drab again.

Well let's go on to the main topic. There are so many events that happened during the weeks I didn't post. I'll start to the 'minor events'. Well it is not really minor but I really have to say it (in this case, write it). I don't know how to say this because I'm not really proud of this stunt our batch pull off this year. Uhmm.... You know when you're in high school there are so many temptations around especially when it comes down in... CHEATING.

Said so i'm so ashamed of this. You know we've been discovered. One from the almost 280 senior students pluck up the courage to speak up and tell the teachers about it. Then other students from the other sections folllow suit. So naturally all the teacher are so strict with us now. Two of our teachers got mad with our batch because one section has been questioned by the higher ups. Then they drag the names of different teachers telling that they are the one in fault because they are not so strict and diligent enough to behave the students. Now, most of the teachers are really mad at us.

But there is a hook in that one. Our section is the only one in the five which do not yet to confirm the cheating incidents in our classroom (even the cream section do. I was told about it). So now the teachers do all their best effort to nudge our conscience. I know it's true because I do cheat when it comes to assignment and one incident during our economics but I don't know what to do. It's difficult to put myself and the others in a situation which I knew will be a big trouble.

The major event wll be shared next time. I haven't had the enough courage to share it now. maybe next time I'm one hundred and one percent ready.